Missing
by Avada Cait-davra
Summary: I looked around the room, at all the people gathered there. Tonks, McGonagall, Kingsley, Moody, and every other member of the Order, Hagrid, Hermione and her parents, Fleur and every Weasley to date. They all held similar expressions of grief and sorrow.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer…I don't own Harry Potter or anything associated with it, no matter how hard I try to pretend otherwise. Because if I did, I'd be married to Harry.

A/N:. In Sirius's pov

Screaming. Lots of screaming. I didn't know where it was coming

from…somewhere far away…

Cold. Absolutely freezing. I thought I was going to die of hypothermia.

Hooded figures. Two of them. Closing in.

It was me who was screaming, them bringing the cold. Making me relive the worst moments of my life.

Rubble of a house I knew so well. The Potter's residence. I heard the screaming, crying of a child. I knew at once what had happened. I searched through the wreckage and found what I was dreading seeing. Two corpses. Lily and James Potter. My best friend and his wife. I stared at their pale faces until a rasping sob of a baby caught my attention. Harry. I looked at him; he had blood running down his face from a lightening shaped scar. 

_In the street, evening having just dawned. My best friend- or rather, who I believed to my best friend- Peter Pettigrew stood staring at me with his wand raised. 'You killed Lily and James Peter!! You killed them! This is your fault!!' He showed no signs of hearing, or caring. He lifted his wand higher and muttered something six syllables long. Everyone around was dead. I saw Peter slice off a finger and turn into the rat he was and retreat down into the sewers._

The dementors were edging closer. I couldn't stand the cold, the unhappiness anymore. I wanted to die. Then, I remembered…Harry. Live for Harry. Hold on for your godson because now, he has no one to rely on, not a single person in all of Britain. I'm innocent and I will get out of here. But the dementors were coming ever closer. Their lips almost touching my own. I was one kiss away from soulessness.

"Sirius. Sirius! Wake up, Sirius!" Some one was screaming from far above me.

"Mmm..Who's..What's…?" I mumbled.

"Sirius. It's Harry. Don't be thick."

"What's wrong? Are you all right? Are you sick? Hurt?" My 'fatherly' instincts kicked on.

"Um, no. You were screaming. Are _you _okay?" He asked. I was screaming. Great.

"Fine, just dandy Harry." I said I didn't want to worry him.

"You sure?" Harry asked. I nodded sleepily. Harry looked at me. "You're not okay. You were dreaming about something."

"Okay, fine. I was." Curse that boy. I just couldn't lie to him.

"What were you dreaming about?" Harry asked as he sat on the edge of my bed.

"Azkaban." I muttered. Harry looked at me for a moment, contemplating what he should do. He then, with out warning, was leaning against my chest in a gentle embrace. My godson…silencing my screams in the dead of night. It was usually the other way around. But, then, it was nice to know some one cared.

But that was before. Before I was cast beyond this accursed veil. There is nothing here, nowhere to go, no way out. I don't think it is death…but only much worse. In death, I could have been with James…and in theory been watching over Harry's every move. I've no idea if the boy is alive or if Voldemort has won. Here, there is only space to think. To relive. It is as though your life is a play and you are its soul audience. Every day, I watch another day from my existence. From the marauding nights back at Hogwarts, to my tortured time in Azkaban, to the beloved short time I spent with my godson. Thinking and reminiscing. Wishing I could change the outcome of half the occurrences of my life. If I'd done things differently, I may not be here now. I'd be with Harry.

I've been here for over a year now, and have wandered around this emptiness relentlessly. Nothing is ever any different. Everything the same. It's enough to drive even me mad. I don't even think it is possible to die. I've had no food or drink as long as I have been here, and am still existing, however painfully it may be. I'm doomed to walk this abyss forever. Nothing can save me…

Suddenly, from nowhere at all, with no warning what so ever, the room from the Department of Mysteries materialized around me. At first, I thought I was reliving the day I fell behind the veil. But no one was in the room, and a strange feeling was telling me I should Apparate straight to Lupin's house.

I'd almost forgotten how to Apparate and the sensation was strange when I did so, and I feared I'd done it wrong. I, however, fell right into Remus's kitchen and knew I had been successful.

Everyone looked up with gasps of fear and disbelief. I myself was a little shocked at my being there. I was beaming, but the smile evaporated off my face as I saw everyone's eyes were red and puffy. A part of me knew this wasn't an epidemic of pinkeye.

"S-sirius?" Remus asked as he walked over to me.

"Remus." I said. My voice was strained and raspy after having not used it in over a year. I was suddenly extremely thirsty and ravenous. I was about to ask the werewolf if he had any food, when I noticed a horrible expression on his face.

Having known Remus for so long, I knew the precise way he looked when there was something painful he needed to tell you, but didn't want to make you sad. That was the exact expression he was holding right now.

"What's wrong, Remus?" I asked.

"Sirius…" He started. I knew what ever he was going to say was far from good. I looked around the room, at all the people gathered there. Tonks, McGonagall, Kingsley, Moody, and every other member of the Order, Hermione and her parents, Fleur and every Weasley to date. They all held similar expressions of grief and sorrow. Then, it struck me. There was a horrible absence in the room.

"Where's Harry?" I growled almost afraid to know the answer.

"Sirius…the-the battle with Voldemort…the final battle, it took a lot from him. Voldemort is dead." Remus struggled to continue. I had a premonition as to what he was going to say. I prayed I was wrong. "H-harry…is dead also."

"No…" I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths. "NO!" I screamed, completely hysterical. I began to cry. I didn't want to, but couldn't stop. My godson was dead. Dead. I failed James and Lily. I couldn't keep him safe.

I wished more than anything I was back beyond the veil.

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It would be exceptionally amazing if you could take twenty-seven seconds and review. Tell me if it sucked or what ever you think. As this is my first fanfic on the site…I need to know how I can improve..thanks!!


	2. Chapter 2

well...this is the second chapter of Missing!! ..as is obvious cuz u clicked on it...so anyway. here we go.

A/N--still in Sirius's Pov.

I let myself fall into a chair as Remus put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Siri..." Remus said softly. Everyone was watching. I could feel them all staring at me. I wanted them to stop, didn't they care what I was going through right now?

"Remus, I don't want to talk about it." I said barely above a whisper.

"You've got to sometime." Remus said. He was trying to comfort me, but I wasn't in the right state of mind. I wanted to be left alone, but everyone kept staring at us. I looked up, my eyes feirce.

"You. This is all your fault." I said to the room at large.

"Siri...come on. It's not anyone's fault." Remus said, he was the only one willing to talk to me.

"It is. All you people were here. You were there when Harry-- You could have stopped it. Some how! Died yourself if you had to! I would have...don't you care about Harry? Everything he's already gone through, and you had to let him--" I couldn't bring myself to say the word, it made it too real.

"Sirius..." Hermione spoke up. "Sirius, he told us not to interfere. Harry did. Told us he didn't want us to risk ourselves for him...he said he didn't want to be responsible for anymore deaths."

What was I going to say to that? I couldn't hold on much longer...a part of me felt like running around as Padfoot, going crazy on every one and everything. But the other part felt like collapsing in on myself. Like crying and not getting out of bed, like forgetting to eat and slowly whithering away...

I felt a tear fall down my cheek and barely stiffled a sob.

"Oh, suck it up." I heard some one say from the corner of the room as Remus put his arm around my shoulders. I looked up to the source.

"Why don't you, Moody?" I retorted.

"We all knew this was his fate, even a stupid dog like you must have. Harry was destined to die, to be killed by Voldemort, since the day his parents were killed." Moody said.

I couldn't think of anything to say. I could say so many things...but didn't know how to put them.

"How--" I choked, still trying to reign in my emotions, it wasn't really working "How could you be so callous?! That may have been his destiny, but we all could have tried harder to stop it!! Harry was like my son...I never cared about anything or anyone more...I-I loved him so much..."

I trialed off, unable to continue. Remus squeezed my shoulder in an encouraging way.

"Well, is it any wonder the blasted boy is dead? Look at who he had for a role model! Some one who can't even handle death." Moody said, he wouldn't leave me alone. I wanted nothing more than to punch the man.

"Shut up." I said, quietly.

Moody smiled in a mallicious way. "Why should I? You know it's true."

"Shut up. I mean it." I began to rise. I saw Mrs. Wealey ushering her children out of the room. Moody just stared at me. I was on my feet. I didn't have a wand, it didn't even occur to me that I didn't know where it was.

Remus was trying to hold me back, but gave up as I flung myself at Moody. Moody stood his ground as I landed a well-placed punch in his stomach. He didn't show any signs of pain as he took out his wand. I wasn't afraid, what else did I have to lose?

Moody swished his wand, using a non-verbal spell. I didn't know what was coming when the curse hit me.

It felt strange, I fell to the ground, feeling arms trying to catch me, hold me up. I could hear people yelling, muffled, as though they were holding pillows over their mouths. I didn't think I was dying. But I had no idea. I didn't even care.

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I opened my eyes. I saw Remus sitting in a chair reading a book. A moan escaped my lips.

"Siri? God, finally. How are you?" Remus said.

"I'm fine." I got out of bed and walked across the room. "Where's everyone? What's going on?"

"Moody's being held captive by the Weasley twins, after Arthur and I turned him into a turtle." Remus cracked a smile. I didn't feel like laughing.

"Why a turtle?"

"It was just what came out." Remus said, sencing the seriousness of my voice.

"Why am I still here?" I asked.

"Sirius, what?" Remus said.

"Why am I here still?" I said, not looking at Remus. "I want to be with Harry."

"Sirius. Please don't talk like that." Remus said.

"But I don't see any reason to be here anymore. I came back for Harry and now he's gone." I said.

Remus looked at me with clouded eyes. I couldn't read his expression. "Remus? Are you alright?"

"No." Remus answered. I waited for him to continue."Sirius...please. I can't stand to hear you talking like that. All I have now is you. No one else is there for me anymore. Since the Department of Mysteries, it's just been me and Harry." I cringed at his name, the wound was still fresh. "I need you." he finished quietly.

I had no idea what to say to that. It was amazing news, knowing some one cared enough to get all worked up over me.

"Remus...are you sure you really mean that? I mean honestly sure." I said.

"Of corse Siri...I mean it." Remus said. "I wouldn't lie about that...I solemnly swear..." He added smiling.

Leave it to Remus. I smiled in spite of my misery.

"Ok, fine, fine. You win. But I have to warn you, I'm not much of a house guest...especially not now.." I said.

"Ok...it's fine, Sirius. I understand. And I don't mind, you should know that..." Remus said.

"Thanks, Moony. It means a lot. Really." I said. Remus smiled. Suddenly a noise in the hall caught our attention. I opened the door to see Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny crowded around something.

"Oops.." Fred said.

"What happened?" Remus asked.

"Nothing..." Ron said. Remus pushed past him.

A pink furry rabit sat on the floor in the middle of the Weasley children.

"Moody?" I asked.

George nodded. "He's gonna hate us..."

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YAY! dedicated to Jemma.


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